To The Class of 2020

Mar 25

Mar 25 To The Class of 2020

At the beginning of my last post on grief, I mentioned that mourning isn’t reserved only for death. Mourning can happen with all types of loss, which I’m sure we’re all quickly realizing. Everyone’s lives have been and continue to be wildly disrupted by this global pandemic. For us in the US, shit just got real. Got real on a scale that’s been likened to 9/11. Unprecedented, if you will. Jobs are being lost, healthcare workers are being forced to work in unsafe conditions, and every worst case scenario that comes with poor leadership and nonexistent social safety nets are playing out on the news every single day. Even though canceled graduations and shortened school years are small details in the larger pandemic storyline, I’ve seen a disturbing amount of comments calling the Class of 2020 spoiled and shallow for being upset about in a time like this.. People are dying and here is the Class of 2020, crying about graduation.

Don’t take that shit to heart Class of 2020. Whether you’re graduating high school, college, med school, grad school or something in between: know that whatever it is you’re feeling right now is valid. You’re allowed to be bummed about this and concerned for the health and wellbeing of others at the same time and doing so doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re allowed to feel things and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

For better or worse, we measure our lives by milestone, and even though it’s a minuscule part of the global picture, a quick snippet of your hopefully long lives, I wanted to acknowledge what you’ve lost, Class of 2020. Milestones are the framework on which we tell the stories of our lives and the goalposts we use to plan our futures. So for many of you, graduation has been something you’ve been thinking about and looking forward to for years. We’re told that graduation is your prize, validation for all of the hard work and sacrifice. It’s a set time everyone can gather around a celebrate all the things that graduation can mean. Maybe you’re the first graduate in your family, maybe you took an extra 5 years to finish your degree, maybe you didn’t think you’d live to see this day. Sure, you’ll finish up classes online, get your diploma in the mail, and (eventually) begin post-grad life, but I wanted to acknowledge all that you may be feeling right now. Because it’s not just canceled graduation. It’s canceled senior games, final performances, award luncheons, senior week, prom. It’s saying goodbye to your home and the family you made. And that’s on top of the fear and uncertainty that everyone’s feeling right now. The precautions were necessary and for the best but it’s absolutely valid to feel cheated and upset that you didn’t get the experiences you were promised. Millions of people are hurting right now and in comparison, losing graduation isn’t close to the most devastating effect this country will face. But it’s okay if it’s the most devastating to you. Feel all of the feelings that this crazy situation has brought up for you and feel them fully. Talk about it. Lean on each other. Voicing your heartbreak doesn’t make you evil, it makes you honest. So fight anyone who tries to belittle your experience. Honoring your loss doesn’t mean you’re ignoring someone else’s. We’re complex beings and capable of both, simultaneously. So during these turbulent times, I hope you find the space to cry if you want to. Get mad if that fits. Maybe plan a graduation party ( Thanksgiving weekend sounds nice). Do what you need to lighten the load. But don’t let anyone, ever, tell you how to feel.

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@TheEllery

My face when my coworker says he’s feeling ‘so ADD right now’.🙄 This happened a month ago but I see a lot of people saying it now that they’re working from home. Having ADHD means SO much more than not being able to concentrate. 💩, I wish that was my only problem 😭. Fun Fact: There is a movement to rename ADHD/ADD to Executive Function Disorder which encompasses way more symptoms of ADHD that people forget about. Like low impulse control, disorganization, trouble planning and prioritizing, low frustration tolerance, rejection sensitivity, hyper focus, etc etc. So if you’re struggling with #WFH consider its because you’ve thrown out of your normal schedule and are dealing with a lot of fear and uncertainty that’s making it hard to concentrate on the work in front of you! It’s a huge adjustment and we’re all understandably struggling with it (but it’s prob not ADD) #theellery #mentalhealthmatters #adhd

This post felt impossible to write. Grief is hard to talk about and no one wants to say the wrong thing, which usually means we say nothing at all. I don’t know if these were the right words to say but I hope this attempt starts conversations for those who feel like they don’t have the language to talk about #grief and #loss Link in bio ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ #theellery #mentalhealthmatters

How I plan to spend #blackhistorymonth Reading black books and black books only. And Heavy by @kieselaymon is a perfect way to start. And it is ‘heavy’ to say the least. His memoir runs the gamut of the types of pain that black people and black bodies endure but I think this is the first book I’ve read that includes a black man exhibiting disordered eating. These narratives are SO important because when we talk #eatingdisorders we tend to default to anorexia and the obsessive ballerina. Meanwhile #ednos is SO much more than that. BED or binge eating disorder is the most common #eatingdisorder and characterized by not being able to control eating large amounts of food at once. Up to 40% of people seeking weight loss treatment can be clinically dx’d with BED. Thank you for your narrative @kieselaymon and for helping fight the stigma around mental health. #theellery #noshamenostigma #mentalhealthmatters #ednos #blackbooks #blackauthors #blackwriting #blacknarratives

Wrote some words for those who need them. Linked in Bio or TheEllery.com/kobebryant #theellery #ripkobe

This means people, jobs, cities and situations. But for some reason people don’t acknowledge how difficult it is to cut off family members. Or quit. Or move. So I’ll preface this advice with this: protect yourself and your energy until you get that opportunity to extract yourself from what doesn’t serve you. Remember that it’s temporary and there’s no shame in making a plan first. Do it in your time and in your own way. #theellery #mentalhealthmatters ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ 📸by @blcksmth @amberruffin

I came I read I conquered 📚 ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ Crushed my goal of 100 books last year. What did I learn? Probably won’t look to stuff 100 books into 365 days any time soon. Too many words, too little time. As a research analyst I’m all about the #data and tracking so I’m letting my 2019 book list (link in bio!) inform my goals for 2020. This 113 book journey taught me that I want to read more #blackauthors more #fiction and more physical books. What are some titles I need to add to my must read list? 🤓 #theellery #bookstagram #goodreads

Self-advocacy•the action of representing oneself’s views or interest 🧵 by @badasscrossstitch ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ You’d think in being a mental health advocate I’d find it easy to advocate for myself (I wish). But just like everything else that’s important in life, they don’t teach you how to do this in school. Self advocacy is SO important to practice, because we deserve to be the one’s in the driver’s seat of our lives. In the same way that doctors, professors, and other authorities are experts in their field, remember that you’re the World’s Leading Expert in You. If you don’t feel that way, then spend some time getting to know yourself- your needs, wants, desires, dreams. Then understand the rights that you have as a human person in this world. You deserve to have your pain, safety, dreams, career, everything, taken seriously. But since that’s not the reality for most, advocate for yourself (and others!) early, and often. Maybe we can get a little more out of this life #theellery #advocacy #selfadvocacy #MLK

One of my 2020 goals is to read more physical books. Last year I read a ton, and it was achievable in part because of the convenience factor. No matter where I was I’d have easy access to e-books and audiobooks on my phone and my kindle fits in my parka pocket. But this year I want to read with intention- and get back the ability to put down my phone and justlose myself in a good story. I also want to read through all the gorgeous hardcovers that I’ve bought and haven’t read yet, meaning I’ll finally be reading @Kieslelaymon @eve.ewing @roxanegay74 @tressiemcphd and @wellreadblackgirl . But first, #queenie by @candicec_w #theellery #wellreadblackgirl #bookstagram

“People who are outed feel blindsided and forced to reveal a deeply personal part of their identity without their consent and under someone else’s terms. Coming out is a process and can be a difficult time for someone because of discrimination, homophobia, or potential marginalization from their families and community at large. People must choose for themselves how and when to come out.”- @thetaskforce ✨✨✨✨ ✨✨✨✨ @nikkietutorials was being blackmailed by someone threatening to out her by being #trans . Transphobia and homophobia is still alive and well, so not only is outing someone a MAJOR violation of their privacy, it can be incredibly dangerous. Many members of the LGBTQ community can face loss of relationships, jobs, healthcare, and overall safety when outed. So while @nikkietutorials is handling this with beauty + grace, let’s not forget that this didn’t happen on her terms and that’s pretty f*cked up #theellery #mentalhealthmatters

Happy and joyful ✨✨✨✨ Have you ever considered the difference? Happiness is caused by things and events, external stuff. Joy is something intentional and comes from within. It comes with sitting in and recognizing the little things. The things that are so easy to rush past when you’re running through life. It takes practice but you can start at anytime. And @mariekondo says ‘things’ count so this hat is my #joyoftheday #theellery #joyful

Hi!

Mar 25 To The Class of 2020

Mar 28 How to Work From Home

Mar 16 Everything You Need to Know About Grief